i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
