He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
