There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
