If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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