My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
