There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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