i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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