call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
