im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
