Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
