We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
