I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
