Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
