Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
