video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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