I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
