I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
