direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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