Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
