if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
