Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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