I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
