normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
