ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
