3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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