just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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