hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
