Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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