I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have fence marks all over my body
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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