Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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