Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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