You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
