Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
