Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
