I need to stop coming to work sober
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
