When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
