This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
