I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
