i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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