I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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