Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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