i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
