I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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