You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
