I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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