yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
false alarm. still invincible.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
