His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
