This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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