We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
