I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
