is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
