dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
