We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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