I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
