Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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